ON BEING OLD

 I'm old.  .No getting around it.  I will be 82 next month. I'm supposed to be wise, kind or grumpy, frail, and a burden.  Well, I'm probably as wise as any other 81 year old,  I'm not grumpy and I try to be kind.  Though I will tell you that I can't tolerate whiners, liars, laziness, or cruelty.  I try not to be a burden but sometimes I feel I am because loving kindhearted people don't allow me to do certain things,  In their kindness, they worry too much.  

So let me tell you how being old looks through my eyes.  First I will tell you that I am extremely lucky to be in good health.  Believe me, that is a blessing!  I have my aches and pains.  All 81 year old bodies have been through a lot of wear and tear.  But I take care of  myself physically and mentally. I exercise daily, I love food so I eat a variety including the occasional splurge of sugar or alcohol.  

Mentally, I read constantly.  I always have.  I have taught myself to stay up with the latest technological inventions.  So in addition to  playing games on my phone, I do my banking,  I book my travel and I am the travel agent for my busy daughter and son in law.  My eldest son, who is quite the techy himself says I know more than he does.  I was in Ireland with a tour group and and there were long check in lines at the airport.  I  showed the tour guide how we could check ourselves in and she was amazed,  Side note.  Just because you are old, it doesn't hurt to toot your own horn once in a while.  I know we are supposed to be invisible, but speak up.  We are old not dead. 

And speaking of the dead, if we are lucky enough to live to be old, we will lose a lot of loved ones along the way.  We will have to endure unbelievable pain and sadness.  It is the price we pay for extra years. So make sure those years are worth it.

The thing is that how we spend those years are more of a state of mind then anything else.  If you are reading this and you are still so young that you can't imagine being my age, let me ,tell you what every old person would tell you.  We are only old on the outside.  Inside, we are still young,  We are many ages of our youth.  Sometimes, I am 15 just beginning to become a woman,  Unsure of my value, afraid of what others think of me.  Oh what I could tell that girl.  Other times, I am in my early 30's with my children starting to have lives of their own.  Starting to be something other than a mother.  A lover again to my husband.  Both of us starting to relish our freedom, learning how to play again.  

I know I am 81.  I don't lie to myself.  But I still love to have fun.  I love new clothes, trying new makeup and being feminine.  Especially now, after this pandemic.  I am tired of ugly.  Tired of sweats and pajamas.  I want to wear dresses forget about my old legs.  I want to be pretty.  I'm looking forward not back.  I'm planning for the future. 

My future includes lots of travel.  I am lucky that I have found a wonderful travel company that goes out of the way to make trips fun and safe.  I have made lots of great friends in my travels.  When my beloved husband of 62 years died last year, I was not sure if I could continue to travel.  I have so many wonderful memories of the trips we took together.  He was the best companion and I just wasn't sure if I could go alone, but I also have a long bucket list of places I want to see before I join him, so off I went.  People were so kind and remembered Ron with love.  So I have several trips booked for this year and already have a few in mind for next year. And I will wear my pretty dresses!  I am looking forward not backwards.

So when you see an old person, don't pity them,  Think wow. I hope I live to be old.