GUILT

Guilt is an inherent human trait.  We are all born with a guilt gene.  Some of us just seem to have a problem keeping guilt in balance with other traits.  I am one of those people.  I think my background has a lot to do with that.  My family were straitlaced New Englanders as far back as the 15th century.  We were the orginal Puritans.  Then to compound matters, my siblings and I were raised in the Seventh Day Adventist church. 

For those of you not familiar with that religion, it is based on the Old Testament and is very strict.  It involves every aspect of your life including what you are allowed to eat.  From sundown on Friday until sundown on Saturday, you are not allowed to do anything except read the Bible.  Meals had to be prepared ahead of time and only absolutely necessary chores such as milking the cows or feeding the animals were permitted.


Then when I was nearing my pre-teens, my family relocated to Florida which was a complete culture shock.  And my father who was already very strict, became a police office.  So this is the background that has shaped my life as an adult.


I remember thinking I can't wait until I'm eighteen, then I can do anything I want.  But as we all know that is not true.  And in my case there was the little matter of guilt tapping me on the shoulder and saying "You shouldn't do that." Or worse yet making me feel remorse.


Now I'm not talking about committing crimes.  No, I am talking about small everyday things.  For example I usually make my bed every day.  If for some reason I don't, I feel guilty.  Or if I sleep an extra half hour, I feel guilty.  I know that is ridiculous but my conscience nags me all day.


I feel guilty if I don't exercise or eat right.  Some of that is because we are bombarded day after day with experts telling us to eat this and don't eat that.  They tell us to exercise this many hours a day and give us horror stories of what will happen if we don't.  I am a sucker for all of that.  The perfect candidate to preach to because of my overactive guilt gene.


One of my biggest causes of guilt is how I spend my money.  Now keep in mind this is money I earned, money I saved (that New England thrift background).  Why should I feel guilty spending it on what gives me pleasure?  I pay my bills, I give to charity.  I help my family.  If I have the money to spend, shouldn't I be able to enjoy it?  Well not according to my conscience.  And the daily reports of economic disaster just adds to my guilt.  This little voice in my head says "Do you really think this is a good time to take a cruise.  What if the market crashes?  What if one of the kids needs something they can't afford?  What if someone gets sick?  And that little voice goes on and on. 

Oh I usually don't let guilt stop me from doing what I want to do.  Most people would say I am a good person and don't have anything to feel guilty about.  That may be true but just try to telling that to my New England, Seventh Day Adventist, policeman's daughter's well developed guilt gene.