A TALE OF THREE HOUSES AND A BOY 

On a short street, in an older neighborhood, there are three houses and a boy. The neighborhood where these houses are located is almost 70 years old.  The boy is almost 14.

House #1 was bought by a young couple when it was merely a foundation.  The young couple raised three children in house #1.  It was a happy time for the family and the house.

Time passed and the children grew up and moved away.  Eventually, the couple sold house #1 and moved to a bigger house in a different town.  Years passed.  The couple grew older.  The man became ill and the wife became worn out caring for him.  

As his illness progressed, the man became confused and unhappy.   He kept insisting he wanted to go home.  Here is where House #2 becomes part of this tale.

House #2 is right next door to House #1.  It is owned by another young couple. The daughter who grew up in House #1 and her husband.   They have two sons.  The older son marries and has a son, the boy in this tale.  Unfortunately, the marriage doesn't last so the boy and his mother move into House #2 with his grandparents.

But it is a small house, and the boy is growing, so when another house on the short street comes up for sale the grandparents buy it.  House #3 is in bad shape, so the grandparents renovate it and rent it to the mother and their grandson.  The boy is very happy.  Now he has two houses to call home.

Meanwhile the daughter's parents are struggling, her father is very sick and her mother needs help caring for him, but they live too far away for day-to-day help.  Amazingly, House #1 is suddenly put up for sale.  The old couple buy it, but it needs a lot of work to make it accessible for them.

Again, the daughter and her husband take on the job of renovating a second house on their short street.  They turn House #1 into a cozy home for the parents.  Not only cozy but fitted out with everything a disabled person needs.  So, the old couple move into House #1 again.  The father is very happy.  He sits at the picture window every day and waves at everyone.  Finally, he is home again.

His wife is happy too. She has her daughter and son in law living right next door in House #2.  They take on part of the burden of caring for her husband and make his final months joyful.

The boy is overjoyed.  He loves his great grandparents very much. He now has three houses he calls home. He runs in and out of House #1 and gives his great grandparents much pleasure.

Time goes by and his great grandfather dies.  He dies in his own bed surrounded by his family.  The boy experiences his first loss of someone he loved but sees how it is the natural order of things.  He comforts his great grandmother and becomes very protective of her.

Each house has a unique story, but they are tied together by the boy and the families who love him.  Not all children are lucky enough to know their grandparents well and certainly not their great grandparents.  This boy not only knows them but is living with them and learning life's lessons daily.

That is the tale of the three houses and the boy.

 

 THE LEGEND OF DRAGONFLIES

 

 Since Ron died, my family and I have had numerous incidents of what people say are signs that your deceased love one is trying to contact you.  These range from pictures leaping off the wall,  Yes, leaping  I witnessed it myself two different times in two different rooms.  .  To the pennies.  Time and again we have all found pennies in the most unexpected places.  Pennies from heaven as the legend goes.  

But the dragonflies have been the most remarkable things,  Before these happenings, I can't remember the last time I saw a dragonfly. Suddenly, I was seeing dragonflies everywhere. The first one I saw flew over my head and landed on the windowsill as I was watering my flowers.  I walked up to it and it didn't move.  It was a beautiful silver and white color.  One even landed on Helen in the pool and stayed and stayed.

Recently, in Florida, we would sit and drink our coffee on the balcony of our condo.  Every morning, swarms of dragonflies would fly around us.  One morning, I had just gone in to refill my coffee, when Andy started calling me back.  A dragonfly was flying at the sliding doors trying to get in.  I knew it was Ron trying to get my attention.  

I was so intrigued by these incidents that I researched to see how dragonflies became a sign that someone on the other side was reaching out to you to let you know they were still around in spirit even though we can't see them anymore.

Apparently, author Doris Stickney wrote a story about dragonflies to help explain death to children.  The gist of it goes like this.  

A colony of water bugs were leading a happy life in the mud of a lily pond.  They spent their lives scurrying to and fro.  Every once in a while. one bug would get the urge to climb up the lily stalk and disappear never to be seen again.  The other bugs became curious about what happened and why the missing bug didn't come back.  

So the rest of the bugs made a pact,  The next bug that got the urge to climb up the stalk would come back to tell the others what happened.  They all promised they would keep the pact.  Soon it happened again, another bug climbed up the stalk,  Up, up and up he climbed until he fell onto the lily pad.  

When he awoke, he was startled to find that he had two sets of wings, and a long tail.  And best of all he could fly.  He swooped and dipped and soared happy with his beautiful new body.  Then he remembered the pact. So he swooped down to the water where he could see the others scurrying around in the mud.  But much to his shock, he bounced right off the water and no matter how he tried he couldn't go back down to his old home.

He felt bad but he knew the secret would be revealed only when it was time for each bug to climb the stalk and discover this lovely new life.  And so, we too will only know what is on the other side when it is our turn to discard our old bodies for shiny new ones.  Thus the lovely dragonfly comes to tell us not to grieve for our loved ones,  they have only discarded their old bodies, but their spirits are soaring.

ON BEING OLD

 I'm old.  .No getting around it.  I will be 82 next month. I'm supposed to be wise, kind or grumpy, frail, and a burden.  Well, I'm probably as wise as any other 81 year old,  I'm not grumpy and I try to be kind.  Though I will tell you that I can't tolerate whiners, liars, laziness, or cruelty.  I try not to be a burden but sometimes I feel I am because loving kindhearted people don't allow me to do certain things,  In their kindness, they worry too much.  

So let me tell you how being old looks through my eyes.  First I will tell you that I am extremely lucky to be in good health.  Believe me, that is a blessing!  I have my aches and pains.  All 81 year old bodies have been through a lot of wear and tear.  But I take care of  myself physically and mentally. I exercise daily, I love food so I eat a variety including the occasional splurge of sugar or alcohol.  

Mentally, I read constantly.  I always have.  I have taught myself to stay up with the latest technological inventions.  So in addition to  playing games on my phone, I do my banking,  I book my travel and I am the travel agent for my busy daughter and son in law.  My eldest son, who is quite the techy himself says I know more than he does.  I was in Ireland with a tour group and and there were long check in lines at the airport.  I  showed the tour guide how we could check ourselves in and she was amazed,  Side note.  Just because you are old, it doesn't hurt to toot your own horn once in a while.  I know we are supposed to be invisible, but speak up.  We are old not dead. 

And speaking of the dead, if we are lucky enough to live to be old, we will lose a lot of loved ones along the way.  We will have to endure unbelievable pain and sadness.  It is the price we pay for extra years. So make sure those years are worth it.

The thing is that how we spend those years are more of a state of mind then anything else.  If you are reading this and you are still so young that you can't imagine being my age, let me ,tell you what every old person would tell you.  We are only old on the outside.  Inside, we are still young,  We are many ages of our youth.  Sometimes, I am 15 just beginning to become a woman,  Unsure of my value, afraid of what others think of me.  Oh what I could tell that girl.  Other times, I am in my early 30's with my children starting to have lives of their own.  Starting to be something other than a mother.  A lover again to my husband.  Both of us starting to relish our freedom, learning how to play again.  

I know I am 81.  I don't lie to myself.  But I still love to have fun.  I love new clothes, trying new makeup and being feminine.  Especially now, after this pandemic.  I am tired of ugly.  Tired of sweats and pajamas.  I want to wear dresses forget about my old legs.  I want to be pretty.  I'm looking forward not back.  I'm planning for the future. 

My future includes lots of travel.  I am lucky that I have found a wonderful travel company that goes out of the way to make trips fun and safe.  I have made lots of great friends in my travels.  When my beloved husband of 62 years died last year, I was not sure if I could continue to travel.  I have so many wonderful memories of the trips we took together.  He was the best companion and I just wasn't sure if I could go alone, but I also have a long bucket list of places I want to see before I join him, so off I went.  People were so kind and remembered Ron with love.  So I have several trips booked for this year and already have a few in mind for next year. And I will wear my pretty dresses!  I am looking forward not backwards.

So when you see an old person, don't pity them,  Think wow. I hope I live to be old.

THE LITTLE HOUSE

 Once upon a time, there was a little house.  Wait, let's start at the very beginning.  Once upon a time, there was a foundation of a little house.  Just a hole in the ground really.  But you could see that it was the beginning of a house.  Not a very big house because this was before the time when everyone thought they needed a huge house.  But nonetheless, it was in a nice little neighborhood and there was a school less than a block away.

Once upon a time, there happened to be a young couple looking for a house.  They were living in a very tiny apartment and there was a baby coming in the spring.  

One day the couple were out driving and they came upon this soon to be house.  There was a sign with the builders name so the couple called and bought the little house.  They were very excited.  A home of their own.  They were very much in love and they dreamed of all the happy times they would have in this little house.  The house grew and their baby grew.  It was a race to see if the house would be ready before the baby got here. 

The baby won.  But a couple of months later, the little house was ready and the couple and their baby boy moved into their new home.  Life was good and soon another baby was on the way.  Another boy was born in the fall and the little house was full of baby furniture and happy laughter.

By the third Christmas in the little house, another baby was on the way.  This time a little girl.  The little house was getting almost to tiny to hold all the things that children need.  Where to put three beds in the small bedroom?  The young couple could not afford to move.  And besides, they loved the little house.  And soon, the children would be starting school.  The lovely school right down the street.  

Luckily, Grandpa came up with a unique solution.  In the small bedroom, Grandpa built ship style beds against the walls with drawers underneath to store the children's things.  It was a lovely solution and worked very well while the children were little.  He also built floor to ceiling bookcases for extra storage.

But children grow and soon they were teenagers and needed privacy and more space.  So the little house was expanded to include a large room on the back of the house for the boys bedroom.  And the little room became the daughters room.  

The little house was growing with the children.  And getting older as they did.  But it was still a happy place where all the neighborhood children loved to come.  Great friendships were formed that would last a lifetime.  It was a welcoming home.  

And then one day as happens, the children were grown and gone.  But soon, there were grandchildren who came to play in the little house and the walls rang with laughter again.  The little house was happy once more.

That young couple was now middle aged but still happy with the little house.  The big room on the back was now a family room where birthday parties, and holidays were celebrated.  There was a fireplace with a mantle to hang stockings on and a perfect place to put a Christmas tree. 

The back yard was full of flower beds and trees that had started as little saplings planted by the children but now reached high into the sky.  The front yard that had served as a ball diamond for numerous games of baseball with the neighbor kids now was green and lush.  

The neighborhood had remained stable and best of all their daughter and son in law lived right next door.

But things were about to change again.  Grandpa died.  The grandpa who had made the ships beds and bookcases and all so by the way dug a basement under the house after it was built.  Grandpa got ill and died.  Grandma was lonely so she came to live in the little house with the couple.  

But grandma had lots of things accumulated over a lifetime and the little house was stuffed to the brim.  And there was no privacy for the couple.  Something had to be done.  

So it was decided that the couple and Grandma would look for a bigger house.  And the little house would be sold.  Everyone was excited but the couple were sad to leave their first home and all the memories it held.  

So after several months, grandma and the couple found a neighborhood they liked about 12 miles away from the little house and had a larger house built that would have room for all of them.  It was a nice house but it was not their beloved little house.

They lived there quite comfortably for 15 years and then Grandma got old and died.  And suddenly, the larger house became a bit too large.  But the couple were both retired and traveling a lot so it was OK

Then the couple became old and their health was not good.  It became harder to take care of the big house.  He needed more and more care and she needed surgery.  There was talk of assisted living or nursing homes.  Not happy subjects.  Then one day, they received a phone call from their daughter.  Their old house was up for sale.  Would they consider buying it and moving back?

There was a lot to consider.  The little house was in a bad state of repair.  It would need lots of work and lots of money to make it livable and also wheelchair adaptable for the man.  But there were lots of advantages too.  Their daughter and son in law would be right next door and able to help take care of them.  They could live out there years at home not in a nursing home.  

The first look at the little house was shocking but also strangely healing.  It needed so much but they decided to buy it back. Throughout that summer, the house was under construction.  Their daughter and son in law worked tirelessly to make it livable again.  It was finished just in time for Thanksgiving and the old couple moved in.  The daughter placed her father's chair right in front of the window where he could watch all the comings and goings.  He was very happy waving at everyone.  

The woman felt safe and happy being back home at the little house where she had raised her children.  Sadly, the man got sicker but the woman and her children were happy that he could stay home and be cared for in his own bed.  He died in the little house where their lives had started.  He was surrounded by his wife and children and all his memories.  The woman was very sad but the little house helped ease her pain.  She plans to stay in the little house until it is her time to go.

THE GAME OF LIFE

They are just a group of old men dammit.  I could cry.  Heroes should remain young and strong in our hearts.  Seeing these men white haired, bent and frail reminds us too much of our own destiny.

We were young and vibrant when we thrilled to their power and energy.  We followed their exploits, basked in their fame and the honors they achieved.  Now they are old.  Their glory days are long past. They have been usurped by younger, stronger men.  A new generation is cheering the new heroes.

We are old.  Our heroes are old.  It is hard to be replaced but that is life.  We all grow old if we are lucky.

And that's what we need to remember.  If we are around.to see our heroes grow old that means we have lived a full life and so have they.

This blog was inspired by a trip to see the 1966 Orioles team being honored.  It was special to my husband Ron because that team was the one he loved.  He had watched them play and met several of them over the years.  Most of them were the same age as Ron.

Ron has Parkinson's with dementia now.  I watch him lose more of himself everyday.  I take every opportunity that comes along to remind him of the happier days in his life.  Baseball has always been a huge part of his life.  He played in high school and in the early days of our marriage.  He was still playing when he started coaching our sons' little league team; even coached our daughter's team.

Recently, our children decorated a room for him with some of the Oriole memorabilia that he has collected over the years.  He was overwhelmed.

The game of life goes on.  It is just being played a little differently.  Now we watch baseball games on television.  But Ron often thinks we are there.  The other day when he said we should start home before the crowd, I asked him where he thought we were.  He said, "In the upper deck."  That's ok with me.

MARRIED FIFTY FIVE YEARS? NO WAY!

Today is my 55th wedding anniversary.  Fifty five years, over three quarters of my life spent with one man.  It is hard for me to believe that so much time has passed.  I know that some people reading this will think we must be a really old couple.  When I was young, I could never have imagined being married this long and certainly not still being so active and alive. 

We will be spending our anniversary babysitting our three year old great grandson which we do every other week.  In two weeks we will be leaving for a 12 day tour of Scandinavia, Germany, and Russia.  We are active, enthusiastic, and busy. 

We have been extremely lucky and we know it.  First, we found someone to love.  Someone compatible, though at first we seemed to have more differences than things in common.  Ron was very athletic, outgoing, and had spent his entire life in one place.  He had lots of friends that he had known since grade school. 

I on the other hand, was a book worm, and didn't even watch sports let alone participate.  I had lived in three states, gone to several schools and had spent most of my senior year in high school working.  But somehow in spite of those differences, we made it work. 

In all the important things we were in agreement.  We both valued honesty, loyalty, hard work and we loved each other.  When our children came along, our lives revolved around them.  We were involved in Little League, Brownies, Boy Scouts and PTA.  We were the parents who everyone depended on.  Our house was always full as were our hearts.

And then one day, the kids were gone, (not for long, but that's another story).  We were alone again.  What would we do now?  Well, we fell in love again and for a few years we played like a couple of kids.  We did silly things like driving to Nashville, TN for dinner on the spur of the moment.  We went to Disneyworld without kids for our 25th anniversary.  We partied with friends and just enjoyed being a couple.  We had never had a honeymoon.  By the time we were in our early twenties, we had three children.  Now we had time to bond as a couple.

 Of course, after a few years our grandchildren came along and we began a new phase of our marriage.  Now we are great grandparents.  If you think grandchildren are wonderful, just wait until you have great grandchildren.  You have more time to enjoy them.  You have had years of experience and you are able to relax more with them. 

So here we are, fifty five years later.  We are lucky, we have a few health problems but are still mobile.  We have a little more disposable income so we are able to do things we enjoy.  We are fulfilling our bucket list.  Most importantly, we still enjoy being together.  One of the advantages of spending so many years together and living through all the joys and tragedies of life is that we have a lot to talk about.  We share the same memories and spend many hours talking about them.  But we also spend time planning the future.  We know life is short and we embrace each day.  As the poet said, "Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be."

WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER WHERE I PUT MY PHONE

I am not a disorganized person.  I know where everything is in my kitchen.  I can find my tax receipts for the last several years.  But I can't remember where my phone is five minutes after I use it.  I tell myself to be aware of where I am putting it, but when it rings, I am searching frantically for it.  Since we no longer have a land line, I have even had to go to the car and call my phone in order to locate it.  That's ridiculous. 

I am not a stupid person.  When I watch Jeopardy, I sometimes answer questions that the panel get wrong.  I organize all our travel and never lose tickets or my passport.  But I can't keep track of my phone.  It has become laughable to my family, but not to me.

And to tell the truth it is not just my phone.  I have a habit of taking my shoes off where ever I sit down.  Then unfortunately, I cannot remember where I left them.  I can't tell you how many times I am ready to walk out the door and have to stop and search for my shoes. 

Why is it that I can remember something from years ago but forget where I put something I had a couple of hours ago?

Don't tell me it is short term memory loss.  I have no trouble remembering what I had for breakfast or what I read on Facebook.  I remember to pay my bills on time.  I remember to tell Ron to take his meds.  I even remember the date I take my once a month pill.  I read three or four books at a time without confusion, so why can't I remember where I put my phone?  Oh no, I can hear it ringing now.  Where is it?  Never mind, whoever it was hung up.

COOKIE BAKING DAY

It is that time of the year again when we start thinking of family traditions.  Halloween is just past and Thanksgiving is just around the corner.  Then of course it will be time to get ready for Christmas.  Like in all families, each of these holidays has its own traditions.    Take Thanksgiving for example, we always have turkey even though some of us don't really care for it.  Our favorite meal when we all get together is a brisket dish that I prepare.  It takes two days and everyone loves it.  So one Thanksgiving, I decided to have brisket instead of turkey. I thought everyone would be pleased. especially my daughter who loves brisket but does not like turkey. Oh no.  She was horrified we had to have turkey, it's tradition. 

Christmas too has many traditions that cannot be broken.  We always go to our daughter and son-in-laws for Christmas Eve.  We have a smorgasbord of hor dourves to eat which must include certain items to please certain family members.  We always watch The Christmas Story and we always play a game.  My husband and I open our gifts from our children and the cousins exchange gifts.  But the rest of the gift giving is reserved for Christmas morning after Santa has come.

Christmas day is always at our house where we open gifts and have a full dinner.  People come and go all day long. 

But of all our traditions, Cookie Baking Day is everyone's favorite.  I don't remember how it got started but like Topsey, it has grown and grown.  It takes place on a Saturday before Christmas and everyone comes, from the oldest to the youngest.  Two years ago the oldest was Nanny Helen and the youngest was Hadley who was just three months old at the time.  Hadley is now two and Nanny Helen passed away at age 95.  However, the tradition goes on.  This year our oldest will be my husband Ron at 76 and the youngest our great granddaughter Finley who will be six months old.

Cookie Baking Day is sacrosanct.  I remember when our granddaughter Nicole had just started a new job a few years ago.  On the day she was hired, she told them that she had to have the Saturday of cookie baking off.  This year we have a three year old great grandson who can't be with us for Christmas but we are doing everything we can to make sure he is here for cookie baking. 

The day starts around seven for me.  I get all the ingredients lined up, crush the peppermints and nuts, soften the butter, line the cookie sheets with parchment paper and get ready for the chaos.  Now less you think all the cooks are the ladies in the family, you are wrong.  Sons and son-in-laws, grandsons, and nephews are right in the thick of it too. 

We bake about 14 kinds of cookies.  We roll balls, we dip, we cut,we decorate.  There are cookies on every flat surface.  The kitchen is a disaster and the noise level compares with a rock concert.  I am exhausted but I dare not show it because I am already called the grumpy elf.

We usually finish around six or seven that evening though there are still bar cookies to cut and trays of cookies to be made up for gifts.  But for all intents and purposes, Cookie Baking Day is over for another year.  There will be stories to tell of today, the mishaps, the adorable little ones making their first cookies.  We will be reminded of the Cookie Baking Days of the past, the people who are gone but not forgotten.  It is a tradition that I keep saying I am getting too old to continue.  I tell my daughter that she will have to take over, but I know in my heart that will not happen for few more years.  She is not ready for the tradition to end and neither am I.

OBSERVATIONS

There is so much talk lately about the importance of getting enough sleep.  According to researchers, sleeping the correct amount of time each night can prevent obesitity, prevent certain diseases, and increase your brain power.  But is this news really new?  Remember the aphorism, "Early to bed, Early to rise, Makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise?"  That saying has been around forever.  Apparently our forefathers knew something that we are just now learning.
This made me wonder what other aphorisms might apply to our lives today.  What about "An apple a day, keeps the doctor away?"  We are reminded constantly about eating fruit and vegetables every day.  Some researchers are convinced that we would all be healthier if our diets were more plant based, if we ate more foods in their natural state.  That too goes back to our forefathers.

And what about wine?  Remember "A little wine for your stomach's sake."  I think that actually comes from the Bible.  So those who tell us that having a glass of wine is good for our health are only repeating something that has been known since Bibical times.  There are also passages in the Bible about laziness and gluttony, topics that are current in today's headlines that tell us that Americans are overweight and need to eat less and exercise more.  So all those researchers are not telling us anything new, they are just reminding us of things that have been known for centuries.  Think of all the money that could have been saved if they had just listened to their grandmother's wisdom.

Another observation.  Have you noticed that when you make a purchase these days, the salesclerk doesn't tell you how much you spent.  She tells you how much you saved.  At first it was just one or two stores, but now it seems to be everywhere.  Go to the grocery store and you will save $45.  At the department store, you save $129.  The hardware store does the same thing.  I have saved so much money this month, I am thinking about buying a new diamond ring.

I have observed lately that there does not seem to be any place to go that is quiet and peaceful.  A place where all you hear are birds, crickets, bees buzzing the normal sounds of nature.  No matter where you go, you hear people talking on cell phones, typing on laptops, or playing music on their Ipods.  What has happened to silence?  Remember "Silence is Golden?"  Ron and I sit on our front porch in the cool mornings and evenings.  All of a sudden we hear someone talking loudly and look out to see a walker going down the sidewalk having an argument on a cellphone.  Even at the beach, you can hardly hear the surf for the sound of cell phones ringing.  We need to bring back those silent moments.  We would all be less stressed and maybe we could start thinking again.  We need thinkers.  That is how problems get solved.  That is how great inventions are discovered.  We need to stop the chatter and listen to our inner beings and to each other.  Just an observation.

NEW BEGINNINGS AGAIN

My great grandson Kael starts kindergarten in two weeks.  My great grandson in school, I can hardly believe it.  It is a new beginning for him, but for me, it is a ritual that I have participated in many times. 

I don't remember my own first day of school, but I remember my youngest sister's for several reasons.  It was very traumatic for her.  She was a beautiful little girl with long curly strawberry blonde hair.  The newspaper published a picture of her sobbing.  I remember it too, because I was called out of class to come comfort her.  The strange thing is that I remember that better than the first day of school for my own three children.

I have the pictures of each of them dressed in their new outfits standing outside the house before leaving for school. We always went on vacation in August so their new vacation clothes served as their new school clothes.  I remember the fun of shopping for school supplies as I mentioned in an earlier post called "The New Pencil Box."

If I remember correctly, the schools did not send home a list weeks ahead of time like they do now.  For a kindergartner now, there is a list of over 25 items some very specific as to brand and type.  It gets worse as the grades progress.  For my kids, I remember the pencil boxes.  Do they even make pencil boxes any more?  I'm sure my children did not have backpacks until they were in junior high.

My children were lucky.  They did not have to be bussed to school.  We lived just down the street from the grade school.  They were even able to walk to their middle school.  Of course, that was a disadvantage when my oldest son decided one day in second grade that he had had enough school and walked home.

Later, when my grandchildren started school, (where do the years go?) my participation was limited to helping with the new clothes and school purchases and enjoying vicariously the stories their parents told.

Now a great grandchild.  The world comes full circle.  I may be around to see a great great grandchild if I'm lucky, but I doubt I will be participating in the back to school ritual.  It is just one of the many rites of passage we enjoy if we are lucky enough. 

THE PERILS OF PARKINSON'S

My husband Ron has Parkinson's as many of you know.  He was diagnosed a couple of years ago, but the doctors think he has had it for several years. Parkinson's has been around since ancient times.  There are several symptoms, tremors, muscular rigidity, slowness of movement, (more about that later) and impaired balance and coordination.  Those are the motor functions.  There are also non-motor functions such as memory impairment, dementia, hallucinations, and acting out dreams.  There is no cure for this insidious disease just a slow disintegration of mind and body. 

Ron is on a variety of medicines that keep him fairly stable.   Other than the tremors, his two main symptoms have been a complete slow down of his physical functions such as dressing or performing any activity like showering, eating etc.  It has become kind of a joke in the family that when we get up in the morning, I can practically clean the house in the time it takes for him to get shaved and dressed for breakfast.  I have to laugh or I would just get to impatient with him and I don't want to do that. 

The other symptom that bothers him is short term memory and confusion.  His long term memory is phenomenal.  He can replay ball games from high school but he can't remember day to day moments.  He also cannot correctly process conversations.  He gets things scrambled. 

But on the whole, he is handling the disease well.  Our family is very protective of him always making sure he doesn't fall.  They persuaded us to go to Florida for the winter so he wouldn't have to worry about the snow and ice.  So it is kind of ironic, that the first fall occurred last night when he fell out of bed.  Parkinson's patients have a tendency to act out their dreams especially early in the morning during deep REM sleep.  Ron has had this symptom for several months now.  He will thrash and fight and yell.  I usually wake him up when that happens, but I was sleeping soundly when I heard this loud thud.  He had fallen flat on his face on our hardwood floor.  He was bleeding from a bump on his forehead and his nose.  He is fine but has been very shaky all day.   We talked about getting a rail for his side of the bed but have decided to just put the extra pillows down on the floor for now. 

I walk a fine line between coddling him and encouraging him.  He has days where he worries about what comes next and other days where  he is happy go lucky.  Humor and exercise seem to work best for keeping him on an even keel.  We try to get out and walk every day.  I encourage him to teach the little guys how to play baseball.  I order him books from the library and I am encouraging him to use the computer.  We have a couple of trips planned for late summer because we both love to travel.  And the benefits of travel stimulate the mind.

I am writing this blog to help me keep track of his progress and to relieve some of my stress.  So until next time I'm keeping the good thoughts.

Karma

We are leasing a condo in Florida that has been up for sale for three years.  It is in a wonderful location but we have had a few problems that made us decide not to lease it again next year.  One of the long time renters in the complex heard that we were looking for a new place.  He told the owner of one of the units who had just found out that her long time renters would not be able to come back next year.  She only rents to people she knows but she had heard such nice things about us that she offered us the condo.  The best part is that we will have none of the problems we have had with this one and the price is $1400 a month less even though the units are exactly the same size. 

The karma part is that this condo which has been on the market for three years sold  yesterday, so without the new condo we would have been out of luck.

Another example of karma or as I like to call it serendipity involves our mail.  We found out after arranging for our mail to be transferred here that the owners would not allow us to receive mail,  We were told that they had lost the key to mail box and didn't want to replace it.  So we had to rent a post office box.  We had been waiting for baseball tickets to arrive for a couple of weeks.  I had made several calls and was told that we would have them by last Saturday, so today we went out to our PO box.  No tickets.  When we got back I called the ticket office and spoke to several people who promised to look into it ASAP. 

About an hour later, there was a knock on our door.  When I answered it, a mailman was standing there.  He asked if I was Mrs Kane.  I said, "Yes I am."  He then asked why we hadn't been getting our mail out of the mailbox.  My jaw must have dropped a foot.  I explained about the key and he said that was crazy.  He had been putting mail in the box since early January.  I said I wonder if our tickets are there and he said. "Yes they are because I am an Oriole fan and if you hadn't picked them up soon, I was going to use them. We had a laugh about that. Then he unlocked the box and gave us two months of mail including the tickets that I had spent the morning trying to track down.

Maybe it wasn't karma but it certainly was unusual that he would knock on our door the day we instigated a search for the tickets.

I started this blog before we left Florida three months ago.  I never finished it.  Since then, another example of good karma involving baseball tickets occurred.  Those of you who know my husband Ron, know that he is a die hard Oriole fan.  This year the Orioles are unveiling statues of their Hall of Fame players.  Ron's favorite player Brooks Robinson's statue was to be unveiled with special ceremonies in May.  I bought tickets for us to go.  We were going to fly up and spend five days.  I got a hotel on the waterfront (non-refundable which I didn't realize). 

To my dismay, the date for the unveiling was changed to September because Brooks is ill.  So I had to reschedule our flights, change our hotel reservations and switch the baseball tickets from May to September.  I was not a happy camper.  First the airline tickets cost more.  Then I discovered the hotel was non-refundable but after giving them my sob story and talking nicely to a manager, I was able to switch the dates at no additional cost.

Then the baseball tickets.  After making the other changes I discovered that the date of the unveiling was on Sat Sept 29 and Sunday was the last home game of the season.  So I couldn't exchange six of the ten tickets I had.  But the Orioles graciously refunded the other tickets and the refund more than covered the extra cost of the airline tickets.  But now the serendipitous part.  Since the Brook's statue will be the last one unveiled, we will  get to see all the other statues.  And it is fan appreciation weekend, so they are doing giveaways at both games.  Ron is thrilled and I am happy for him.

I don't think I am any luckier than the average person but there have been so many instances of unplanned happy circumstances in my life.  One of our favorite trips was full of serendipitous moments.  We were driving from Boston through Maine and Nova Scotia.  We spent a night at Bar Harbor and decided to stay another night.  The hotel clerk said they were booked solid and every hotel around was the same way.  So we started walking away when he got a phone call and yelled at us to wait.  He had a cancellation and we got a room for that night.   The whole trip was that way.  When we got to Halifax, we went for a walk through a little park to stretch our legs.  We met a lady who asked us if we were going to see the Buskers.  We had no idea what she was talking about, but it turned out that the Buskers are street entertainers that come in from all over Canada and England.  They were there that week for a big street fair.  It was wonderful.  Again we were just in the right place at the right time.  Call it what you will, I call it serendipity.

Another year, we went to Paris.  Once I had scheduled the trip, I was looking through some of the literature and I read a tip not to schedule your trip for July 14,  it is Bastille day the equivalent of our July 4th.   Of course, that is the exact date we were arriving.  When we got to our hotel we found out that there were ceremonies and fireworks that night at the Eiffel Tower.  So we walked with thousands of people down there and watched the ceremonies.  Though we don't speak French, it was very moving.  There were people of all nationalities there.  Everyone was very polite and respectful.  We walked back to the hotel feeling lucky to have been able to participate.  Another serendipitous moment.  What if I had panicked and changed the date of our arrival?  Look at what we would have missed.

Maybe you just have to be open to opportunity.  I know when something goes wrong there is usually a bright side if you look for it.  I'm not a Pollyanna (does anyone even know what that means anymore) but I do think attitude makes a big difference in how you deal with the unexpected twists life can hand your way.   

We met a couple on the beach one day and had a conversation about the unusually warm winter.  When she found out it was our first winter, she said we must have good karma.  I told her we were lucky that way.  She said we must give good karma to have good karma.  I hope so.

BUCKET LISTS

Do you have a Bucket List?  I never thought too much about it until recently.  It seems everything you read or listen to lately has a connection  to someone's bucket list.  I guess I don't have a bucket list because I always joking said I wasn't going anywhere when my time came.  I have way too much living to do to even think about dying.

But now I find myself thinking about what I would put on a bucket list.  I am not a physical type person so I don't plan on climbing Mt Everest.  I can barely climb stairs.  My younger sister told me to stop climbing like an old person.  Well, I have news for her.  I am an old person, and I've always been afraid of stairs.  I certainly have no desire to jump out of an airplane.  I grip my husband's hand on take offs and landings as it is.  When it is bumpy, I look around to see if any one else is worried.  So there is no grand physical accomplishment in my future. 

Oh I make physical goals.  Last winter, my goal was to walk from one end of the beach to the other.  Did it.  Another was to walk across the bay bridge both ways.  Did that too and felt pretty smug about it. 

I love to travel and have been lucky enough to see most of the places I wanted to see.  There are a few that are still on my list like Australia and New Zealand.  But I am not sure I could endure the long flights.  One of the trips that I have always wanted to take (so maybe a bucket list item) is a train trip through the Canadian Rockies.  We are doing that in September.

I know people who have travel goals such as seeing all the baseball parks or all the botanical gardens.  But that is too regimented for me.  I like to decide on a whim where my next trip will be. 

There are loftier goals that I could set like being remembered for my good deeds, but I will be the first to admit that I am too selfish to be a true do-gooder.  I am not willing to sacrifice my time and energy just to be honored on my death.  I am a haphazard volunteer, helping out when it suits me.  I have volunteered quite a bit over the years, but on my terms.

I have many goals for my family.  I would like to see them happy and financially secure when I leave this earth (not yet please) but I have found out over the years, that is not in my control.  I can contribute to their happiness, and Lord knows, I have contributed to their finances.  But in the end, it is up to them.  You cannot will someone to be happy, and I have come to the conclusion that some people will never be financially secure.

So I guess my bucket list is short.  I want to live out my life relatively healthy.  And I want to have my husband around so we can continue to travel, enjoy each other and our family.  I am blessed to have a life that leaves me wanting very little and believe me I thank my lucky stars every day.

Multi-tasking

We have heard that term for years now and we are familiar with the meaning.  Women these days certainly seem to be accomplished at multi-tasking though the experts tell us that it is not possible to successfully do more than one thing at a time.  Ha, tell that to mothers who have been doing it since time immemorial.  Any woman who works and maintains a home knows how to multi-task.

I do the normal tasks that it takes to run a house, be a wife, a mother, a grandmother, and a hands on great grandmother.  I am also a travel agent for the trips we take, a banker, a secretary, and an artist.  All of this is pretty normal with one exception, I am not content to read one book or plan one trip, or paint one picture at a time.

It started with reading.  I must have at least three books going at one time.  People ask me how I keep up with the plots and the answer is I don't really know, I just do.  This has been going on as long as I can remember so for me it is normal.

When I started painting, I began working on a couple of paintings at a time.  Pretty soon, it was three or four.  Currently, I have four paintings in various stages of completion.

My husband and I love to travel and I love to plan our trips.  We usually take a couple of trips a year.  As soon as I have all the plans completed for one trip, I start working on another.  I usually have plans for the current year and the following one.  Maybe I should have been a professional organizer.  The funny thing is I absolutely hate for anyone else to make plans for me.  I will not commit to anything where I have to be somewhere once a week or once a month.  No bunco or bingo clubs for me.  I don't even make my hair appointments in advance.  I just call when I'm ready.  It is really funny when you think about it.  I will go on a two week cruise planned by me, but won't go to my neighbors to play cards once a month. 

So maybe my having multiple things going at the same time is a control issue, a way to make sure that my time is under my command only.  Who knows?  Whatever the reason it works for me. 

So all you multi-taskers out there, don't let any so called experts tell you that your brain is not capable of doing more than one thing at a time.  We know better.

THE MEANING OF FRIENDSHIP

My daughter understands how important it is to have and maintain friendships.  She learned that more from her Dad then from me.  It is something it has taken me a lifetime to learn.

 By nature, I am more of a loner.  Though I enjoy people, I am not always willing to invest the time it takes to be a true friend.  I have a tendency to be stingy with my time.  It is something that I have worked to overcome as I grow older.

On the other hand my husband has friends that go back to his childhood as well as new friends he has made.  He is a great "people person."

Our daughter is the same type of person.  She and her best friend met when they were six months old.  We were neighbors and they grew up playing as we mothers talked.  Over the years they have become as close as sisters.  Like sisters, they have fought, stopped speaking to each other only to make up and become closer.  They have survived marriage, divorce and remarriage for both of them.  They have shared great sadness.  Our daughter watched her friend have children and sadly was unable to conceive.  So she became a beloved aunt to her friend's children.  With her second marriage she became a mother to two stepson's who she loves like her own.  She now has a wonderful grandson who she adores.  Through it all they have been there for each other. 

They even share a birthday month and in March they will be turning 50.  How many people can say they have been friends for 50 years? 

They call themselves Lucy and Ethel and to be honest some of their escapades would make great TV.  They are such complete opposites in looks and in lifestyles, that it makes you wonder how their friendship has endured.

I am driven to write this blog because last night while I was sleeping my cell phone went off.  My daughter had sent me a picture of her and her friend at a club where her friend's son's band was playing.  A picture of two smiling women enjoying being together.  It made me think of the years of friendship and all the pictures over the years.  Though the faces have aged (very little), the love and joy in each other still shine through. 

My daughter has many friends.  Like her dad she still keeps up with friends from her school years and from her work.  She and her husband collect friends where ever they go. 

Friendships take work, dedication, tolerance and time.  But my daughter knows that they are necessary to a full  life.  I admire that and aspire to be more like her.

CHANGING THE FUTURE

Laying in bed this morning at five o'clock, I was hoping to go back to sleep.  I turned on NPR as I always do and waited to be lulled to sleep.  Instead I heard a sentence that woke me up completely.  To paraphrase the speaker, what I heard went something like this, "We cannot change the past no matter how desperately we may want to, but we can do something about the future."  Now I know that is not a new thought but for some reason it exploded in my brain like one of those crazy Angry Birds.

How many of us let our pasts determine our futures?  We spend our lives trying to undo the past, or we try to forget the past by drowning in alcohol or blurring our memories with drugs.  Some of us become so mired in our pasts that we spend the rest of our lives just wallowing in misery.  But some, a lucky few, determine to struggle against their history and make a brighter future for themselves.

Right now I can think of two examples that are in the public spotlight but I am sure there are many more who struggling in private.  Congresswoman Gifford is one example of a person who seems determined not to let the horrific circumstances of fate rule the rest of her life.  Another person who has overcome tremendous odds is J R Martinez the soldier who was burned so terribly in a Humvee explosion.  He has endured pain that we cannot even begin to imagine and still bears horrible scars to his face that would cause some people to refuse to face the world.  Instead he is showing the world a spirit of resilience that shines through so brightly, we barely notice his appearance.

Those are a couple of physical accidents that have changed the course of two people's lives.  But the past affecting the future may be any number of things.  Right now our country is facing a crisis of faith.  We have lost our resilience.  We no longer believe in our government.  I heard that the latest pole shows that 91 percent of Americans disapprove of Congress.  Eleven percent of us want the country to become Communist.  

Our presidential election campaign is a joke.  And if we think so, how do you  think we are being perceived in other countries?  Are we going to let our country continue on this path?  Where are the great leaders of this century?  And it is not just our presidential candidates, it seems in every area of politics it is one scandal after another.  Here in Illinois our recent governors have all gone to prison for one thing or another.  Does that mean we should just shrug our shoulders and say, "That's politics?"  Do we let our past determine our future?  Or do we stand up and say this is not going to continue?  We have to take control of our own destiny.  We cannot change the past but we can and will change the future.  

We have to start by changing the moral decay of our country.  We have to go back to the standards that made our country so invincible and so admired.  I am not advocating Puritanism or right wing conservatism.  I am saying as individuals we need to stand up for our principles.  Look at Penn State!  That is what happens when we stick our heads in the sand and refuse to acknowledge what is wrong because we don't want to upset the status quo.  

Our country was founded by individuals who did not like their pasts and were willing to take chances to change their futures.  I do not like our recent history, do you?  Are you willing to have a voice in changing the future?  As individuals, we just need to strengthen our convictions of what is right and wrong.  We need to stand up for the weak and defenseless.  We need to look beyond our own little worlds and see what we can do help our children, our schools, our government and ourselves to grow stronger moral fibres.  We need to pull ourselves out of the slump of our recent past, stop drowning in regret and do something to make a future that will make us  proud invincible Americans again.

PATIENCE

I rarely read my daily horoscope, but today while waiting patiently for my husband to come to breakfast, I decided to read it.  I started laughing because it fit me so exactly.  This is what it said, "Your patience is legendary.  However, when the raging bull is finally prodded past the point of no return, the others should really get out of your way."  Those of you who know me well will agree totally with that statement. 

Normally I am an extremely patient person.  I am the one who can put crying babies to sleep with my calm patience.  I can deal with cranky people without losing my temper as a general rule.  Once when I was working in a customer service position, a gentleman watching me deal with an overwrought customer told me that "You could tell someone to go to hell and they would ask you for directions."  He then said if I ever needed a job, he would hire me in a minute.

But it was at that same customer service job, where I was known for my patience that I became legendary for losing my cool.  One day after an extremely trying morning, I picked up my purse and told my fellow employees, " I don't have to take this anymore." and walked out.  I met my boss in the parking lot and when he asked me where I was going, I told him the same thing.  He was so stunned he didn't know what to say.  When I returned the next day, I was treated like a celebrity and that story was told for years.

Few people have ever seen me lose my temper but my family could tell you a few incidents.  Ask my sister Cherrie about me smashing her snowman and this was when we were both grownups.  I remember a Thanksgiving that went terribly wrong and I ended up stabbing my counter top over and over with a fork.  I have been known to lose my temper when I felt my children were being wronged.  One particular incident occurred when my one of my son's was in grade school.  For some reason, the female gym teacher did not like him and there had been several incidents of confrontation between them.  We lived just down the street from the school and one afternoon he came home and told me that the gym teacher had shoved him hard and he hit his head on the wall.  I was furious and I ran to the school and confronted the teacher.  The principal who knew me very well got involved.  The result was that the gym teacher was put under surveillance and eventually fired.  The funny side to that story that has been related for years in our family is the fact that I had been peeling potatoes and my hands were red from the skins.  My face on one side was swollen from an infection and I was quite a scary sight. 

Along with being patient, I am also persistent.  If I set my mind on doing something, I will not give up no matter how long it takes.  It doesn't matter what my goal is I will patiently keep going until I attain it.  My husband calls me the bullheaded Swede which is another reason I laughed when I read that horoscope. 

Being patient now has become an even greater asset since my husband has been diagnosed with Parkinson's.  Though on the whole, he is doing very well, one of the side affects of Parkinson's is a slowing down of the body and the brain.  It takes him a long time to do simple tasks like dressing.  His doctor says the brain takes a while to tell his muscles what to do.  So I have learned to allow him extra time and I use that time to my advantage doing chores or paying bills.  That way neither one of us has to worry about letting loose that raging bull.

Being patient has its rewards.  But a good blowout once in while is very cathartic.

COMPROMISE

Our country is in the worst state of financial and political chaos since the days of the depression.  Are there ways to remedy the situation?  Yes.  Will it happen?  Probably not because our politicians have forgotten or refuse to use the art of compromise.  Without compromise, Congress and the White House are at an impasse and they are holding us hostage. 

How did we get to this state?  We wouldn't have become the greatest nation on earth without compromise.  And we are not going to remain the greatest if something doesn't happen soon to break the stalemate.  It is absolute ludicrous that our government is threatening to shut down because Congress can't pass a budget.  All the time they are wasting passing temporary stopgaps is shameful.

Our country is based on a two party system that has worked since the country was founded.  It has worked because the people we elected to Congress and the Presidency knew the necessity of  compromise.  Why has that changed?  Are our present elected officials willing to let the entire country collapse in the eyes of the world because they are unwilling to compromise?

Every family no matter how large or small knows the importance of compromising.  Without compromise marriages would not survive.  And parents would be in a constant state of war with their children.  You have to choose your battles and not sweat the small stuff.

Why can't our elected officials learn that lesson?  Are they really willing to stick to their so called "principles" while our great nation becomes another country brought to it's knees by the people elected to run it?  I pray that is not the case, but things are going to have to change soon to save us all.  And all of you better pray with me.

NOSTALGIA

At my age, there is a lot of talk about the "good old days."  But you won't hear it from me.  I may be no spring chicken but I definitely do not want to turn back the clock.  Well at least not as it affects modern living.  I wouldn't mind being say 45 again if it could be in the 21st century. 

When I hear people talking about wishing for the good old days, I want to say really?  You really want to go out and catch a chicken, wring it's neck, pluck the feathers, and cut it up before you can have fried chicken?  Ok, but I will just go to the freezer and take out my bag of frozen chicken breasts.  And I don't even want to think about what you will go through to prepare Thanksgiving dinner.  No, thank you.

Let's talk about laundry which I am doing right now.  I can put the clothes in my washer and while I'm waiting for the washer to do all the work, I can do other things, like typing this blog.  You nostalgic lovers on the other hand, have to heat your water, hand wash your clothes, and put them through a hand wringer if you are lucky enough to have one.  Watch out your little ones don't run their arms through it.  In the good old days, one day of the week was set aside for laundry because it took an entire day.  When my washer stops, I can throw my clothes into the dryer and go about my day.  The dryer will stop automatically when the clothes are dry.  I admit that I still have to fold them and put them away.  You on the other hand have to hang them up to dry.  On a good day, that would be outside on a clothes line.  Where I admit they smell wonderful when you take them down.  But I have frozen my fingers taking down clothes that were stiff as boards on a wintry day.  And don't get me started on ironing.  I still hate to iron but 90 percent of today's clothing is wrinkle free. If I do have to iron, I have a light weight iron that steams the wrinkles out.

And how about communication?  Do you really want to go back to the early days of the telephone?  Some of you nostalgic types will remember the party line.  People say that the internet destroyed privacy which I agree with to some extent, but the party line could do the same thing.  I love my cell phone which allows me to get a call anywhere.  I no longer have to be home to wait for the plumber or repair man to call back.  I can keep in touch with my family and friends when I travel through my cell phone or even the internet.  I can send and receive pictures in just minutes.  If you want to go back to sending postcards that take days to arrive, be my guest. 

Travel improvements are another thing I wouldn't give up.  Yes we may have to  spend an hour in an airport security line, but compare that to the time it would have taken to get somewhere in the "good old days."  I can hop on a plane in Springfield Il and be in Ft Myers Florida in two hours, two hours, just imagine.  And it is not just flying that has improved travel.  Our highways are a vast improvement over the old macadam roads.  I watched a special on early travelers to Yellowstone park and was amazed at what those first visitors had to go through to get there.  We have it so easy compared to the "good old days."

Yes, the 21st century has it's own set of problems.  Progress always comes with hiccups but our lives are so much easier in so many ways.  So I say to those people nostalgic for the "good old days", you may think you want to go back but do you really?

GUILT

Guilt is an inherent human trait.  We are all born with a guilt gene.  Some of us just seem to have a problem keeping guilt in balance with other traits.  I am one of those people.  I think my background has a lot to do with that.  My family were straitlaced New Englanders as far back as the 15th century.  We were the orginal Puritans.  Then to compound matters, my siblings and I were raised in the Seventh Day Adventist church. 

For those of you not familiar with that religion, it is based on the Old Testament and is very strict.  It involves every aspect of your life including what you are allowed to eat.  From sundown on Friday until sundown on Saturday, you are not allowed to do anything except read the Bible.  Meals had to be prepared ahead of time and only absolutely necessary chores such as milking the cows or feeding the animals were permitted.


Then when I was nearing my pre-teens, my family relocated to Florida which was a complete culture shock.  And my father who was already very strict, became a police office.  So this is the background that has shaped my life as an adult.


I remember thinking I can't wait until I'm eighteen, then I can do anything I want.  But as we all know that is not true.  And in my case there was the little matter of guilt tapping me on the shoulder and saying "You shouldn't do that." Or worse yet making me feel remorse.


Now I'm not talking about committing crimes.  No, I am talking about small everyday things.  For example I usually make my bed every day.  If for some reason I don't, I feel guilty.  Or if I sleep an extra half hour, I feel guilty.  I know that is ridiculous but my conscience nags me all day.


I feel guilty if I don't exercise or eat right.  Some of that is because we are bombarded day after day with experts telling us to eat this and don't eat that.  They tell us to exercise this many hours a day and give us horror stories of what will happen if we don't.  I am a sucker for all of that.  The perfect candidate to preach to because of my overactive guilt gene.


One of my biggest causes of guilt is how I spend my money.  Now keep in mind this is money I earned, money I saved (that New England thrift background).  Why should I feel guilty spending it on what gives me pleasure?  I pay my bills, I give to charity.  I help my family.  If I have the money to spend, shouldn't I be able to enjoy it?  Well not according to my conscience.  And the daily reports of economic disaster just adds to my guilt.  This little voice in my head says "Do you really think this is a good time to take a cruise.  What if the market crashes?  What if one of the kids needs something they can't afford?  What if someone gets sick?  And that little voice goes on and on. 

Oh I usually don't let guilt stop me from doing what I want to do.  Most people would say I am a good person and don't have anything to feel guilty about.  That may be true but just try to telling that to my New England, Seventh Day Adventist, policeman's daughter's well developed guilt gene.